The inconsistency of all that is me. I seek my king by the only means that seem fit at the time being. I’m restless, yet stubborn, too lazy to pursue; but I can’t imagine living another moment without You. Without Your voice, Your calling, present in my heart. I’m ready to go, eager to start…
But that first step just hasn’t come yet.
Call it lazy, call it sluggish; I really don’t care. Terminology is just a mask to hide the deeper despair.
I just want to feel You like the summer I loved, with Your word on my lips and prayers rising above. My suffering created by my lack thereof; I’m comfortable, too comfortable, to need the God I love.
Stagnancy is the demon that never stops speaking.
Pursue. Pursue. Violently pursue! Never give up knowing the God who saved you. It’s a race, one that I’ll never finish, but to quit it… well that’s idiotic. Hope is my heartbeat, my caffeinated beverage, my drug, my energy, one I can’t leverage. God just keep me where you want me, where I need to be to see You evermore clearly.